I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
