is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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