I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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