for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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