I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
