I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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