The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
