i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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