I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
