I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
