There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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