i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
