...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
