pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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