dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
