Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
