if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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