Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
