i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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