Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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