just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I deserve this hangover.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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