I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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