all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
