Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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