thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
