Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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