I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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