he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
