I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
