Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
