wakey wakey hands off snakey
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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