I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
