Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
