Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
