Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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