your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She told me I should be a condom model.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
