I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
