He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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