Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
