I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we're so committed to being not committed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
