You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
