thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
