We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have tasted many bathrooms
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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