You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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