I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
