I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
