I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
