idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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