I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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