i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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