I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
